
2536-11-13

Hello?

Is it me you're looking for?

'Cause I wonder where you are. And I wonder what you do.

Are you somewhere feeling lonely?

Or is someone loving you?

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Submitted by: Private 2nd class Lionel Richie Carnahan

 

2536-11-30

I awoke to find that the treadmill has been replaced with a small, dark-skinned savage: one of the island natives.

I have decided to spare his life, and will begin the process of civilizing him. I cut up the remaining bedsheets and fashioned a crude dress to hide his shame. He speaks to me only in grinding noises. It is a strange tongue.

I will call him Friday. 

The Pirates land soon. I can hear the chatter over the com array sweeps. We should have <strong>known </strong>this island was inhabited! They do not respond to my hails, and my requests for resupply have gone unanswered. Without coconuts, we are defenseless.

Friday and I wait here on this metal beach, together, bathed in the harsh sun.

Submitted by: Robinson, esq. and his Faithful Companion Friday.

 

2536-12-25

<em>Incoming Transmission From Satellite Monitoring Base 42634-C</em>

Private Carnahan:

My name is Lieutenant Colonel Mandrake of Organized Navy Monitoring Base 42634-C.

42634-C is a cloaked orbital, tasked with monitoring transmissions coming back and forth between Earth and the outer planets. As such, we are under strict orders to maintain radio silence.

I have received approvalfrom very high up the chain of commandto break that radio silence today, so that I might ask you to <strong>stop sending us transmissions</strong>.

I'm sure that Command appreciates your continued diligence in filing reports despite your situation. However, I must point out that you are not actually <em>saving </em>to a log, as you appear to think you are doing. You are <em>transmitting</em>. I think you'll find the keys are right next to each other.

You may ask yourself: &quot;why would Satellite Monitoring Base 42634-C choose to contact me on this matter?&quot; Good question.

We are <strong>required </strong>to transcribe and analyze any communication we intercept. <em>Any</em> communication. For example, every time you send a transmission quoting Lionel Richie lyrics, we have to submit a report to four Admirals explaining who Lionel Richie is. Then we have to spend ten hours analyzing why he is dancing on the ceiling and whether or not that's a threat to us.

Additionally: we do not have coconuts. Nobody has coconuts. I'm fairly certain coconuts are extinct.

Please stop transmitting. We are very busy analyzing <em>regular </em>military signal traffic, and do not have to transcribe messages about how many Crunchy-o's you ate, or why &quot;Friday&quot; is ignoring you.

Our medical staff recommends that you consult your onboard documentation concerning &quot;sleep deprivation-induced dementia.&quot; I am transmitting a code patch for your onboard alarm systems that will change the alarm cycle from four hours to twelve hours. <strong>Please apply it ASAP.</strong>

Also, the men dug up a few additional audio files to supplement your somewhat.limitedcurrent selection. See attached.

We appreciate your cooperation, Private. And as a personal note, let me say that I admire your dedication in the face of extreme adversity. Hope she was worth it.

Lieutenant-Colonel Mandrake
Monitoring Base 42634-C

<strong>Attachments:</strong>
1- MilSpecIntelligenceComCtrl_IF004_fixpack001.z00
2- The_Essential_Daryl_Hall<em>&amp;</em>John_Oates.z00

